It Falls On Me
by Viking Burrito
Summary: A.U.  On the eve of battle, Severus Snape faces the most difficult thing he has ever had to do: To tell the truth.


**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, settings or things mentioned in the below text. They are all property of the amazing JK Rowling. I mean no copyright infringement.**

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For the first time in his life, Severus Snape was at a loss for words...

Sitting in his office, his bony fingers clung to his quill. The room was unseasonably cold, and a light sheen of dust had begun to cover the desks and the walls, leaving the room soaked in a thick, musky odor. Not that it would make any difference. The room hadn't been used as a Potions classroom in nearly a fortnight, and Severus was doubtful that it would ever be used as one while he was still at Hogwarts. The school had changed so much in the past few months. From the regular auror patrols to the the eventual closure of classes, Hogwarts had ceased to be a school and become a fortress for the young and old, accommodating all who would seek refuge within her walls. Severus had been given the duty of creating healing poultices and potions for those that had suffered from the Dark Lord's attacks.

The constant triage and a schedule of almost non stop potion making had drained his classes coffers, leaving the once full shelves bare, good for nothing now save collecting dust and memories. Severus himself had hardly been given any time to himself. However, tonight, on the eve of the eighteenth anniversary of Lily Potter's death, he had afforded himself enough time to say what needed to be said.

Looking down, however, it seemed that Hogwarts itself would crumble to dust before he could get the proper words out. Several pieces of crumpled parchment littered the floors, as though he were a student trying to find just the right words to complete one of the infamous Severus Snape reports. He chuckled at the thought, what he had put countless students through, but there was one that flashed through his mind with exceptional clarity.

Heaving a sigh, wisps of his breath visible in the near-darkness, he touched quill down once more. Still, he could only manage a name before scratching it out. "For God's sake, I don't even know who to address this to." Slender fingers met his furrowed brow as piercing dark eyes looked down upon the names scratched out on the page.

Albus

Minerva

Harry

All the people in the world that he either respected or despised, and he couldn't figure out who to write a simple letter to. His fingers gripped at the page, determined to banish this bedraggled list of names to the floor and start anew, when it finally hit him.

In all of his years, he never would have thought of that name to cross his mind, but it seemed better than any to put at the header of this letter. Still, the thought of writing a letter to her made his heart sink, but perhaps nothing could have made it sink lower than what he would have to write. Dipping his quill into the well once more, he brought it to the page and, like divine providence, the words began to pour forth from him.

_My Dearest Lily,_

_As much as it pains me to do this, it cannot be avoided. I looked around myself today and I truly had to think for a moment: 'Who am I?' It seems that, for so long, I have neglected to be myself, only sufficing to be what others made of me. A tyrant, a coward, I have been all these things since the eve of your passing, and the time that drifts by makes things that much harder for me to bear. I swore that I would never speak of this to anyone, but it must be said if my conscience is to be clean._

_First and foremost, know that, despite my prior transgressions, I have never served Voldemort (I write his name now as I feel that dancing around it shall not change the outcome of the next few hours, and there is no need to be candid). My allegiance, since the night that you met your end, was always to Albus, Minerva, and your sweet little Harry. Albus was kind enough to take me under his wing and make me a professor at the school. Can you imagine that? Me, a professor of potions at Hogwarts. Not in my wildest dreams when I was younger could I have imagined that I would be here now, yet, I have served this school and it's students faithfully for nearly eighteen years. In light of recent events, they even saw fit to make me headmaster, although my office never strayed far from the dungeon. As James said once: 'It's the perfect place for dank old Snivellus'. I never will understand what you saw in him, Lily, but your choices were your own.._

_But I seem to have rambled a bit.. catching up on old times, you could say. I want you to know that you were my only friend. I remember the brief January day that we spent at my mother's home at Spinner's end. It never felt like home, save for the one day you came to visit my mother. That was also the day that you truly showed me how much you felt for me, no matter how you acted amongst James and the others. Even surrounded by the tiny walls of my room, you were my goddess, and your divine fire changed me, my love. I was a new man that day, and forever I remained yours._

Severus stopped for a moment, noticing a small cluster of droplets that had fallen onto the page. Raising his hand to his face, he wiped the tears from his cheeks. His breath came in ragged gasps now, his body practically convulsing with every sob, but still he wrote on. This **had** to be said, even if no one would believe him.

_Lily, I kept my promise. The very same promise I made when I stood at your gravestone. I have watched over Harry his entire time at Hogwarts, and I have to tell you, you would be so proud of him. He shows the same headstrong quality that you did. He's brave, loyal, and, while a bit thick, is a perfect fit for Gryffindor. He looks so much like you, Lily. I don't think there's any doubt in anyone's mind that he's your son. And I don't think that anyone suspects a thing. I was worried for so long that he would arouse suspicion and start a wildfire of scandal. _

_That being said, I only wish everyone could have known, but alas, some things, much like you and I, were just not meant to be._

_These are trying times, and I am so glad that you aren't here to see them. I have done my best to protect Harry, but he learns so fast, and there are things that even I can't keep from him. I think he deserves to know the truth, and that's why I'm going to deliver this letter to him as soon as I'm done writing it. I hope you don't think less of me, love, but know that I will be with you soon, that I can guarantee._

_I will spend no more time boring you with trivial matters. I have said all I have to say. There is just one more thing I want you to know. Lily, I have never loved another woman. You were the only one, and the gift you gave me was greater than anyone could give. The only thing I could do in return is to make sure that your son...__**our**__ son, grew into the amazing man that he is today..._

_With eternal love and affection,_

_ Severus._

As quickly as it came, Severus set his quill down, his body wracked with sobs now as he collapsed back in his chair, his hands covering his face. He hadn't even done anything, simply written a letter, yet he felt as though he had endured all three unforgivable curses. Although, a broken heart was worse than any, and it was the one that he had carried around with him for a very long time. Rising from his seat, he tucked the letter into the folds of his robe before making an exit from his office, descending down the spiral staircase for what he knew would be the last time. He stopped mid way through the dungeon, looking back with admiring eyes before passing through the archway into the bowels of the castle.

The Hogwarts grounds had taken on a different look this morning. Colors seemed to be more vibrant, and he could smell fresh rain, no doubt from the foreboding thunderheads in the distance. Severus noted that this was a special occasion, but as his eyes drifted down to the border of the forest, it seemed to darken the occasion a bit.

There stood a huddled mass under the boughs of the trees. Their leader, a man with serpentine features, seemed to curl a finger in Severus' direction, as if to beckon him to join them. They were waiting for him, this much he knew, but none of it made any difference now. Gathering up his robes, he let out a sharp whistle. Another few moments and his eyes followed the dark shape as it weaved among the clouds and drifted down to him.

The owl landed perfectly on Severus' arm. Placing the letter in the bird's beak, he spoke the name of the recipient and watched as it darted off back in the direction of Hogwarts. Following it with his gaze for a moment, he admired the grace and beauty of the bird in a way that he had not done since he was a young boy. Severus turned back to face the forest, drawing his wand and marching forward as though there were a band behind him, inspiring his loping gate.

He could see familiar faces; Bellatrix Lestrange, her thin mouth curled into a sneer, stood at Voldemort's immediate right. To his left stood tall, statuesque Lucius Malfoy, his eyes always seemed to look down his almost avian nose. Severus had once called them friends, but none of them knew who he truly was, or what he was capable of. He stood no chance against so many dark wizards, but that wasn't to say that he wouldn't go down swinging. Still, in his heart of hearts, he knew: This was the end.

Severus' final thoughts as he charged into the jaws of death were on Harry. By the time the letter reached the boy, he would be long dead, but he had no fear now. His heart was on that page, and sooner, rather than later, he would be where his heart truly belonged. Tears streamed down his face again as he met his former colleagues head-on, his final memories being washed out in a blaze of shining green light.

-fin-


End file.
